Weight loss is always on the minds of most Americans. Thanks to the unforgiving media, the ideal body weight is about 90 pounds and that person can promptly fall over at the gust of a single wind. This amount of pressure to be thin often drives people to great lengths to stay skinny.

We know that you want to lose that extra weight. You've planned out your work out regimen and you're going to stick with it, but we don't think your plan is going to work very well. Here are 10 reasons your weight loss regimen won't work.

1. You follow an "all carb" diet.

2. Lifting the remote to change the channel doesn't count as a workout.

3. You think hanging upside down for three hours a day will help you lose weight.

4. Marathon napping is not a form of exercise.

5. Drinking cayenne pepper mixed with water won't help you lose water weight. It'll only make your butthole hurt.

6. Going clubbing is not a form of cardio.

7. Farting continuously does not help you lose weight.

8. You think the term BMI stands for Buy More Ice.

9. After running for five whole minutes you lay down and pass out.

10. You pronounce gym "guy-um."

11. You think gravy and mayonnaise are two food groups.

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